Most of the people call it "prejudice". I call it "intuition". "Instinct". And I'm happy with waking up AND falling asleep with that. Imagine. It's no secret that I'm one sceptical, pissed off lump when it comes to PC games. And although there are reasons of undisputed validity, and most of the AAA's of the upcoming are indeed multiplatform (read: fucking console ports), things do not look as near as bad. Or absolutely fucked up as I use to call it. Expecting a shitstorm all the time however, can be kind of rewarding. Therefore, no matter what they say, 'Mass Effect 2' is going to suck arse! Yeah. And I preordered it out of sheer anger.
Myself and RPG games throwing epic tales of heroism and their budget in your face are not very good friends. Like here, 'Dragon Age: Origins'. That game is gay. No, not that kind of gay, it is face-rippingly, anus-itchingly, properly GAY like, err... do you know 'Twilight'? OK, then you need to know no more. For the rest of you, please be advised that it's just about as GAY as anything will ever get. The story of Dragon Age ended prematurely (and permanently) in a binary data oblivion where there are no ones, just zeroes. But having broached a long asleep urge to be levelling up, it was soon replaced by 'Torchlight'. Not to be mistaken for 'Twilight'. Please. I then travelled a bit further against the PC RPG timeline. And truth be told, I can not recall much of a real life since. I sense you might be starting to sense :) where this is going...
Mass Effect [PC] [Demiurge Studios] [2008]
what's hit?
Many, many games have called my rig(s) a home in the last two decades. Many of them, I barely remember. Many of them, I won't foget. But some, just some few, I wish they would never forget me. It's the chosen elite, an immortal league of the crystal pure art of awesomeness, the board of eternal beauty in escapism. They're much like friends and lovers. Sages and torturers. Prayers and sins. If it's funny, it's not meant to be. And if you don't want to end up like this, you should be very careful with 'Mass Effect', I can tell you that much.
what's shit?
The unskippable repeated cutscenes, like landings and take offs, wind me up. Elevators double. Inevitability of some events triple. Unstable framerate just as much. But the single, yes THE SINGLE, thing that will without scruple kick 'Mass Effect' right in the crotch no matter how adamantly it stands, is its AI. For the GOOD part, it's actually so in-fucking-credibly idiotic, it probably wouldn't find a crotch even if it had its face in it. Which, on the other hand, it probably does. Good lord, oh I do hope somebody got fired for that!
what's it?
Let 'Halo' have sex with 'Gears of War'. Let the kid read a lot of Asimov, Ballard and Einstein. Show it 'The Matrix'. Once. Read it 'Neuromancer'. Once. Let it get familiar with the mechanics of 'Fallout' and 'Planetscape: Torment'. As soon as you find it's clogged the toilet with 'Star Wars' tapes and is actively bullying its 'Star Trek'-kie schoolmates, give it the name... It didn't manage to learn much about AI and it's left some strings attached here and there. It's not perfect. Then again, what if it was? Would calling it "out of this world" still be the sole most appropriate thing to say? Could my late timing for this review still have been justified?
SCORE: 9/10
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