Mass Effect 2: the early impressions chart. symmetrical too.

Sitting comfortably amongst the most anticipated games in 2010, it's the first of the VIP bunch to arrive and look and fight for a warm spot in our hearts. It didn't have a difficult job with mine though. Still in some sort of stasis after being blown away by its predecessor it somehow preordered itself, leaving me to my precious little hibernative apathy towards the happening in the rests of the world. For at least my zombified self, it is most fair to say that 'Mass Effect 2' was the most anticipated game of all time. And now... now it's here. 8 hours into the game, I am ready to bring you what I found that sucks and what found me that doesn't. Worst down to best with the least chunky of each in the middle. Go figure.

1. Nope, it's not an RPG! With up to 6 (yes, six) Shepard's and even less others' abilities to take care of, it accomplishes an almost full turn to become a pur sang 3rd person shootoer. Moreover, I will without a second's hesitation call the points' gain-distribute system stoopid. Get this: you gain 2 points per level which by the way is- as outrageous to a die-hard RPG positive as it can be- every 1,000 XP and you only get XP for completing missions. Forget maximizing XP by letting an invasion ship hover untouched and spit more and more geth at your red hot barrel. The thing is, every rank of an ability costs you the amount of points the level it is: initial rank will cost you 1 point, whereas rank 3 costs you 3 points and- what the hell are you thinking?- no, you can't "skip" ranks. I don't like it but if this indeed is the worst that you will probably run into- and it is as far as I can tell- let me giggle a bit and say no, it's not that big a deal.

2. Oh yes. I've been on a high rant about this not so long ago, haven't I? OK, not exactly this must say, but something very similar. In these "free DLC" offers, and 'Mass Effect 2' has three available on launch, by tosser companies- which EA absolutely is- I can feel about as much "good will" as in a smile on face of one Adolf holding out a first class train ticket to Auschwitz. This is, gaming ladies and gaming gentlemen, stinking filth. It's not there because EA or BioWare had a sudden stroke of generosity; it's there as a "measure to counter piracy". That however won't stop me taking this opportunity to praise the emotional and drop-dead beautiful downloadable "Normandy Crash Site" misson. It's a legend on its own.

3. Back to things that actually have something to do with the game itslef, shall we? Right. Characters. Squad members, colleagues in arms, bed mates, what have you. Most of them that is, suck. Oh no no no, it's twice around the world far from them being dumb ragdolls with a personality and charisma of a slovak police force subject; much like in some "games" of late. And odds are it's just me somehow failing to find interest in Miranda's out-of-any-sensible-proportions tits or Jacob's Kanye West-ness. Maybe I grown on the problematic yet awesome likes of Wrex in the original 'Mass Effect' too much. Maybe.

4. Shockingly, the spine that holds all the beautiful and intimate mini stories together- Shepard's main quest, is not one of the most thought-through or original ones. Goes like this: human colonies are disappearing and some Collectors seem to be the evildoer. They have technology far too advanced for their tiny little squishy gooey brains which immediately links them to the Reapers therefore, they must be stopped. Guess who's hired to do the stopping. And yes, that's it. But as I said, it's merely a pillar without which, none of the happening-abouts would make sense and trust me on this, you dare to get involved with the happening-abouts!

5. Last and as deep as I could dig, the least too. Changes to game controls. If you spent some good hours in the first 'Mass Effect' prior to jumping on this, they take a bit of time to get used to. Taking cover has a special key now, there are no quick-access squad or inventory screens, no map in the main window and the team commands interface has been simplified a bit. It's a list much rather than a complaint though. If there are proper valid complaints, there's one: "storming". To sprint (or "storm" as they call it :)), you have to hold down the very same key I mentioned is now for taking cover. I believe I don't have to go down what can "storming" (love that word :)) through a narrow corridor cause. Headache, amongst other things.



5. We are gradually entering an area of frequent jaw-drops. I first realized this storming (oh yes :)) into the "Afterlife" club on Omega. It's the music. Quite a delightful announcement that Jack Wall "will be back" simply could not prepare me for what's coming at me. Front 242 meets John Williams might sound unsurprising and sort of "what else did you expect?" but it's simply blowing my head off every time it hits me.

4. With the absence of any inventory emerges a question. How are weapon (or whatever else) upgrades dealt with? Cleverly. You don't obviously find them physically scattered around the shooting arenas having then to go to the inventory and do a bit of selection, equipping and tidying-up; this time around, you have resources and more importantly, the insane professor Mordin Solus aboard your spanking new Normandy SR2 to use them in research. Once you've acquired the plans for the upgrade (bought it or found in a stray pda/computer), harvested the planets for necessary materials, you request Mordin to do his thing and ta-daaa, your upgrade is automatically applied. And squad-wide too. I'm almost tempted to call it fantastic.

3. Alrighty then, top 3. And I'm a bit stuck, to be frank. Yes, it simply is just how smashingly badass this game is. But hell, a decision has to be made so here goes. The game's transition to 3rd person shooting has met a lot of scepticism in my sights. I loved the RPG stuff in the original and I adored the shooting too. I perceived the move as merely "losing the RPG part" and felt kind of saddened by it. I- what a surprise this is- don't anymore. The shootouts are beyond utterly gruelling, the enemies come atcha in huge varieties and oh my; Don't get me started on the revamped geth army forces. It's them specifically who are showing the sheer size of the step the game has made since two years ago. Calling it absolutely ravishing still somehow feels an understatement.

2. First human Spectre. The saviour of the Citadel, the nightmare the Reapers wake up to every day. Well, OK, they probably never sleep. And Shepard might not necessarily be what you know is your well-spoken hero, mine certainly isn't. Yes, paragon (the "good") and renegade (the "bad") points make their return, newly enabling you to interrupt the dialogues with an action associated with one or the other. On top of it, Shepard's appearance seems to evolve according to which of the two routes is she/he (I do not agree with "he" :)) taking! A single paragraph is not nearly enough to tell you just how extraordinarily cool that is. I'd probably need a projector, powerpoint, a ton of chalk and a three-winged blackboard.

1. One Albert Einstein once said, "If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough". And I don't. But- buack buack, take me to Colonel Sanders now- I fucking love it! For the first part, I truly and honestly don't know based on what exactly are you given an option to change the course of things or how is your choice going to be reflected. It must be either hard-coded or sort of Brownian motion-determined. And frankly, I don't buy either. Bottom line fact of the matter is that you can- and will- spend endless hours outside the main storyline finding out where your actions and attitude carry you. Pissed off and mean or embodied-good angelic, up to you. I have already said that the one predestined quest connects everything to everything else, it's there for 'Mass Effect 2'. What happens beyond it, and it's good 20 pretty arse-kicking films worth, is there for you. Don't be a fool, take it. Take it all.

snippetz of anti-piracy measures: Ubisoft's "ingenious" copy protection

These dumb fucks will never get it, will they? Everytime some cheap shit Mr. Crabz comes along and introduces himself as "Hey, I'm Mr. Crabz. And I like money!", all of a sudden, nobody seems to have been born with any kind of ability to stand up and counter it with at least "Excuse me, what the fuck did you just say?". You see, a dialogue is

what

it should all be about. And if you don't understand the word "dialogue", just keep it at the lowest of low communication levels: at least kiss me before you try to fuck me, please.

Fact of the matter is: file-sharers (the buzz-worded "pirates"; much like the word "terrorists") are the most potent "intelectual property" buyers there currently are. Yes. Music. Films. Software. Intelectual. Property. Like virtual property. Ownership of something that doesn't exist materially. Something that these Mr. Crabzes are more than happy to snatch and rip the actual owner off. Then rip you off. And again, and more, and more... and the people who actually think about all that- well, mostly the so-called pirates as far as I'm aware- are Mr. Crabz's scapegoat AND Mr. Crabz's vindication.

Mr. Crabz has invented yet another smart means to rip you off. And guess what the excuse is. You see, in my little world, when I buy something, like- let's stick with intelectual property- a computer game, I'm expecting it to be, well, mine. I want to install and play it whenever and wherever I fancy, even if there's no fucking internet and how many times I wish. Or make a fucking copy of it and install it on my second machine and invite a friend to play on a dedicated server. If I feel like it, I want to stick my dick through the hole in the disc and go swinging it on Trafalgar square. What-fucking-ever! But by the looks of it, I won't be able to do any of

the

above. With the ill-comprehended "digital distribution", there not only won't be any disc holes to stick my dick through, all the fucking rest will remain the same! I still won't be able to play with a friend in my fucking own flat, make a working backup image of it and as soon as my operating system fucks up, I'll still have to pick up the fucking phone and go explaining that to a deaf and dumb shit imbecile in a call centre on Galapagos eventually ending up with having to buy the fucking game again.

That's the world we're living in. That's the world ruled by Mr. Crabzes and that is it. Unless someone stands up and shows these motherfuckers that things can be done differently. But, those of you able to think freedom rather than money, I know what you're thinking.

Fuck

it. Either cope with it, or leave it and, with a wave of a hand, cut the ties and move on. The current "system" is way too strong to be penetrated, let alone disrupted and broken down. There are simply too many Koticks, Riccitiellos and Guillemots for us to handle. And you are probably right. So how about we start with Bonos and Lily Allens, leaving some fun to future generations of intelligent human beings

?

Although seeing all this, I'm not too sure about "intelligent" and "future" in a sentence that entertains human beings any more.

Mechanize: please. do. do MECHANIZE me!

Change, in the long run, doesn't do me any good. I realized it the second my hard drive vomited some of the latest drum and bass and trance compilations all over my face. I liked that music just a year ago. And some of it, I still do. But there'll always be a point in life when from all the ridiculously complicated food, a spaghetti with grated edam cheese and ketchup- something I adored as a kid- lever out. That's when you realize the difference. Between learned and born with. Between religion and belief. Between brain and heart. It's no-return-booked back to basics as the year kicks off. And I'm not the only one as it seems.

Fear Factory - Mechanize [Candlelight] [2010]

what's hit?
Nostalgic values aside, it's kinda hard to remain all quiet and frosty when during the depressing rule of something (inappropriately) named "rhythm and blues" and pathetic or even more pathetic talent show excrements, your desperate search hits "Fear Factory are back". Yes. After could-have-been-something-else 'Obsolete', some doubtfully-motivated bits afterwards and 2002's disband, they are indeed back. Like you probably never heard them before. There are no doubts once 'Mechanize' gets into the firing position. And when I say "firing", I'm not entirely sure about it because on drums, ladies and gentlemen, an unearthly injection of liquid insanity into all the biomechanical mesh, Mr. Eugene Victor Hoglan II whom some might recognize as the drumming divinity behind Strapping Young Lad's masterpiece 'City' or gentle songs of love recorded for the series, 'Metalocalypse'. Although I'd still go for Danny Carey whenever prodded, the following few seconds will always start with one brooding "or". But, funny thing, it's not just Gene's drumstick daredevilry that seem to fuel the drive of the "new" Fear Factory. The band's energy has been restored to levels that will have you await your mp3 buzzbox disappear in Tesla-lighting just before it explodes in billions of quarks. It's hard to say which track will cause such reaction, it'll probably be different at random every time. This album is not a cataclysmic comeback. This album is cataclysmic full stop.

what's shit?
Somewhere circa around track 2, you'll probably start to think of a way to have Byron Strout hit your axons, Dino Cazares strum your dendrites and Gene Hoglan kick you eardrums directly, bypassing the earphones altogether. Odds are, you'll never manage to achieve that. Although, one never knows.

what's it?
Without being louder-than-healthy about it, Fear Factory have prepared a nuclear bomb of the very mass-dissolving and time continuum-decomposing power. No, it's no staging excercise, no drill, it's the real thing. From the industry of opening seconds of the tile 'Mechanize' that leave you without a doubt on who produced the work, until the inevitable cool down of the farewell in 'Final Exit', the unrestrained elements of lightning-speed virtuosity soldered by Burton C. Bell's more potent than ever voice, your mind will taste cold-steel cyborg perfection. You can't win one's heart with an uninviting frost of mathematics. Unless you learn to use it properly. Only then, you grasp the key to 'Mechanize'. The human, machines of hate!

SCORE: 10/10